Understanding our relationship with pleasure and pain is key to a fulfilling life. We spend much of our precious time stuck in cycles, seeking pleasure and trying to avoid pain. All this leads to is unhelpful behaviours and unsatisfying outcomes. To learn more about the cycle of craving, click here.
In this article we explore how to break the cycle and move from craving to contentment using a simple framework:
Recognise the trigger
Understand the reaction
Acknowledge the outcome
Ask what you really need
By understanding triggers, reactions, and outcomes, and dealing with them mindfully, we can break the cycle of dissatisfaction. Below are real-life examples demonstrating how to do this.
The cycle of craving and moving towards contentment
Example 1: Mindless Scrolling
1. Trigger: After a long day of work, you feel tired and emotionally drained from hours spent on the computer. You are bored and restless.
Recognize that the fatigue and boredom from a long day in front of the computer urges you to seek distraction.
2. Reaction: You start mindlessly scrolling on your phone, looking for stimulation or escape.
Notice when you are scrolling without purpose, that you are not engaging in a meaningful way. Scrolling isn't actually making you feel any better. Understand that you are scrolling to fill a hole or satisfy a need.
3. Outcome: After 45 minutes, you still feel tired and unsatisfied, realizing that the distraction hasn’t helped.
Acknowledge that scrolling did not provide the rest or satisfaction you needed and instead left you feeling more drained.
Ask what you really need. What you actually need is rest or meaningful connection, not more screen time. Consider taking a walk, reading, or talking with a friend to fulfil your emotional needs.
Example 2: Self-Blame or Overeating
1. Trigger: You feel criticized or blamed, whether it’s real or imagined, which stirs discomfort and unease. Recognize that the criticism (or your perception of it) is triggering feelings of inadequacy or emotional pain.
2. Reaction: You engage in self-blame or turn to food as a distraction, trying to numb the discomfort.
Notice when you fall into self-criticism or start seeking comfort in food. Understand that this is a response to the emotional pain.
3. Outcome: After overeating or blaming yourself, you feel even worse, with guilt or physical discomfort, and the original issue remains unresolved.
Acknowledge that overeating or self-blame did not help you feel better and only added more discomfort and guilt.
Ask what you really need. What you truly need is self-compassion and emotional support. Instead of reacting, you could talk to a trusted friend or engage in self-care practices to build your self-esteem.
Example 3: Overworking
1. Trigger: The excitement from working on a project gives you a sense of achievement and drives you to keep going, even when it is not a healthy choice.
Recognize that the thrill of achieving progress is driving you to push yourself beyond healthy limits.
2. Reaction: You keep working late into the night, driven by a compulsion to complete the project, even when you are tired.
Notice when your healthy engagement shifts into overworking and compulsion, or the point you are no longer working productively. Understand that your motivations are not wholesome, without judgement.
3. Outcome: Overworking leads to burnout, leaving you exhausted and unable to sleep, with diminishing satisfaction from your work.
Acknowledge that working excessively did not provide the sense of accomplishment you were aiming for, but instead led to exhaustion and stress.
Ask what you really need. What you truly need is balance. Recognize that taking breaks will make your work more sustainable. Resting and stepping away from work will ultimately help you achieve better results in the long run.
Practice makes perfect
By following this four-step process—recognizing your reaction, understanding the trigger, acknowledging the outcome, and asking what you really need—you can begin to break the cycle of craving and dissatisfaction. With time and patience, you can start to cultivate deeper contentment in your daily life.